This is a copy of a post I made on my other blog (www.notmovingpictures.blogspot.com) and since it concerns marriage or more importantly, my marriage, I thought I'd copy it here so that family and friends will have a chance to read and comment on it. Or not, whatever they prefer.
My wife is from Peru and as a result I try to find Spanish language movies for her to enjoy. I myself do not speak much of the Spanish language although it is something I plan on changing in the near future. So imagine my surprise when I find a movie that is not only written by a Peruvian, stars a Peruvian, was made in Peru and was nominated for an Oscar for best foreign film, that I excitedly tell her the premise and she says she doesn't like it (without watching the trailer) because it seems that the main character would be living such a horrible life. When she says things like this, without giving the movie at least even a casual glance it can really deflate me and make me wonder why I bother even trying. I mean, what is the point if whatever I spend time investigating in an attempt to make her happy, to show something of her country especially on a grand stage, is rejected so easily without much thought or interest?
But then as I think about it deeper (something I'm good at) I realize that the point is that I tried, whether she likes what I've done or even appreciates it should not be my goal. I love her with all of my heart and even after almost 5 years of marriage the fact is that there are things about each other we never will understand. There are things we do not know and are just starting to figure out. After all, we come from 2 different cultures, speak 2 different languages
and have had different things happen to us in our lives. Whenever something like this happens I need to get over my initial feelings of disappointment and remember that it's not about me. As long as we are growing and learning and loving we will be fine. We don't need to have everything in common or think the same way about everything. Our differences are what makes it so wonderful. It's what makes it so worthwhile. It's why we keep on fighting for this marriage because make no mistake, marriage will always have it's struggles and rough patches broken up by periods of tranquility. The trick is learning to make those tranquil peroids last longer each time.
By the way, much like my effort La Teta Asustada did not win the Oscar. It instead went to a movie from Argentina. But at least they can say it was there and had a chance which is a lot more than many other films can say. Congratulations to director Claudia Llosa and star Magaly Solier. I will certainly be looking for it on dvd and who knows, I may just slip it in the dvd player without my wife knowing what it is and tricking her into giving it a fair chance.
3 comments:
Glad to read you! and as your brother in law I must tell you, you're right! jejejeje and as your friend too!!
But don't take it by the wrong side, We peruvians, I don't know why, don't like peruvians movies because they are so sad and remember us a lot of things that we want to forget.
My generation was the first who work peacefully without the terrorism, but the previous ones(include Connie's) had a hard time, Did she told you that when she was at the university the army was there?, because there were terrrorist among the students
Was realy hard, she was not involve with that, but those were horrible times. Lima became a war zone. And probaly most of those citizens have those scars in their souls.
Just remember september 11th it change america's point of view, imagine living with that terrorism for years. Obviously we have scars. Maybe that is why she didn't want to see that movie.
I think for Europeans and Americans looks like "beatiful" movie, but remind us a lot of pain. And believe me there are many tragic stories around terrorism, So As her brother and must ask you to try to understand her.
On the other hand as men, we know that women are an unsolved mistery! That like virus when you think you finally understand them, they mutate! and we must astart all over again jejejejeje
I'll send a few peruvians movies, I hope they have subtittles! if not it's a good chance to practice your spanish!
Hugs!
Gary, I now understand how hard it can be for Peruvians who went through the tough times to not want to see it and remember it. Connie and I have talked a lot and i have read about what Sendero Luminosa did and how it was to live in that environment. It's very similar in that i can tell people what it was like for me in the first gulf war but still, they didn't go through it. I know that Connie was in college while all of that was going on.
And yes I know that we are not meant to understand women and they are not meant to understand us. If you think you do then you're only fooling yourself.
You and I are a lot alike and not just because of out fondness for Star Wars! I was reading your blog and you comment "Sometimes I get the impression that I do not fit with others and that's why sometimes I prefer being alone." I understand that sentiment all too well. When I go on my dinner break at work I prefer sitting alone, reading my book as I eat. Last week a lady from out church came by and saw me and said she thinks it's so sad to see someone eating by themselves. She just couldn't see that it was by choice. I think there's a song in there somewhere.
You are my brother-in-law and my friend and I am glad that Connie, John and I have you even at this long distance. Wish me luck, next month I intend to take an internet class for Spanish. It's about time for me to make an effort to learn so the movies will help. We've seen a few such as Paloma de Papel and I've ordered one called Madeinusa. Tell everyone hello and I'll try to take some pictures of Johnito tomorrow at the library.
Okay, every time I meant to type "our" i typed out instead.
Post a Comment